Blog back :)

Well its been a while since I last blogged so of course so much has happened!

I've moved house and started all over again! The love life has completely died down after I realised that I was not going to find a lasting relationship in Camel! In fact so much has changed, not just in my friends, and living and happiness but also in me personally. I feel like I am driven by a different focre... how can I explain it?

Well...
Firstly: I have stopped looking back, enough time has passed that all the hurt seems to have washed away and my heart seems to have healed itself. The heart is such a funny thing, I will always believe that time heals everything. I think eventually everyone forgets being hurt by someone beause they don't have time to sit and hold onto something forever. In this modern world theres simply to many distractions and maybe this is a good thing.

Secondly: Eventhough I have still not spoken to my brother I have heard he has lost a lot of weight and passed his driving theory test! So good for him! I am so very proud of him! Although I think time and distance has made me idolise him a little (but I guess thats what happens when a relationship with someone you love is destroyed.) You can't help but think about everything it could have been, what it could be like if we were still as close as you were and its like this massive hole your trying to fill. You keep jamming it with rubbish or you hope if you talk and think about it enough it may one day go away and perhaps not be real. It was almost like the more I spoke about what happened and the more I held onto it and the less real and more story like it seemed. The more fresh and breif it could appear made it less painful than the fact that the more time was passing it was becoming apparent there was no going back. However I guess sometimes you just have to accept the reality of certain situation and look forward with hope of a new relationship eventually being formed.

Thirdly: I have not had a panic attack in a year! Also I have put on all the weight I lost from all last years upset.. not a plus thouhg! Because now my clothes don't fit me... But its shocking to see how all the upset and changes had effected my body! I dont eat anymore than I did them but I am just not as worried all the time.

Forthly: I am looking into going abroad for 4 months next term with Uni. This is my new focus... Its something for me, just me. Its not about escaping or running away this time, its not something I always thought I wouldn't be able do. Personal growth and all that!

So now I can promise you more funnier blogs to come!